the great oxygen shortage of 1994
a new goons script

WALLACE: This is the BBC Home service.

HARRY: Ah Wal there you are you short finely tuned person. Iíve a letter for you which is just arrived by Her Majestyís service.

WALLACE: A letter, for ME.

HARRY: No you fool, not for me for you.

WALLACE: A letter all of my own, MY, Iíve never had one all to myselfbefore. Mr Snagge gave me one of his letters once, said he didnít want it, but that doesnít count. Gosh my very own letter.

HARRY: Well arenít you going to opened it?

WALLACE: Open it. (pause) Ohhh is that what you do with them?

FX: Sound of tearing of paper as letter is hurridly opened. Carry on for a long time.

WALLACE: (out of breath) Why thereís somebody inside it.

SPIKE: Mother stop watering that cat weíve arrived at the BBC. And not a momemt to soon the showís just started. Sirs I bring you important amendments to this weeks script.

HARRY: What are they?

SPIKE: Certain lines have been cut from the show.

HARRY: You mean like the one I just didnít say.

SPIKE: I donít know I didnít hear it

HARRY: How do we know which lines have been cut and which havenít?


HARRY: I see, that lines been cut also.

SPIKE: Yes, but the next ones completely safe.

HARRY: Thankgod. Listeners pin back your nostrils and secure a suitable view of your radio set to listen to the HIGHLY ESTEEMED GOON SHOW.

PETER: We present a tale of most singularity. An environmental disaster of a deathly magnitude.


ORCHESTRA: Three dramatic chords

WALLACE: Err shouldnít that have been four dramatic chords.

ORCHESTRA:  (Shouting) Yes, but one of them has been cut from the show!!

WALLACE: Oooo I wish Iíd never asked. Now where was I.

HARRY: You were standing just here Wal.

PETER: No he wasnít, he was over there.

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